How The Process of Getting a New Job Goes…

Step 1. Initial feeling of independence, thrill and “fuck everyone” attitude on high. Start by spending way too much (or in my case, too little) time on that one-sheeter resume of yours and emailing it out to every professional you know and their moms. In this situation, moms are helpful because they generally have a more senior position and have clout where as friends/young professionals at this stage of the game have the shark-eat-shark mentality and want all the jobs for themselves. Though I don’t blame them, since I will slice anyone who tries to take away my own opportunities right now.

Step 2. Apply to ALL of the jobs in your industry. This slowly turns into an apply to ALL of the jobs listed on linkedin, glassdoor, indeed and perhaps cragislist, depending on the level of desperateness. Thoughts include – “Hmm, the fashion industry isn’t THAT different from music is it?” to “E-Commerce can’t be THAT hard to learn for a precocious 21-year-old is it? Wait…can I even still call myself precocious now that I’m swimming in the same pool as post-grad kids all trying to find a job that will cover rent + then some?”

Step 3. Phone Interviews. Your hope rises. You think you are amazing and invincible, that is only when these go well. When they go wrong, you think you’re a fuck up and no one will ever hire you. Even after great phone calls, you start to overanalyze all the little things you did. Maybe I shouldn’t have breathed too hard into the phone. I shouldn’t have said those “likes” and “ums”. Ohmigod my favorite band is most DEFINITELY The Vamps and NOT One Direction!

Step 3a. This is the part where you wait and refresh your email a gazillion times a day. Should I send a follow up to my follow up email? Is that too aggressive? If I don’t send a follow up to my follow up does that show I’m too complacent and disinterested? What if someone else did it and now I look like an idiot?!

Step 4. (the step where I am currently at) BEHOLD. THE BEAUTIFUL IN-PERSON INTERVIEW. This is the defining moment. The moment to prance into the offices with bouncing curls and eyes lined with mascara. The moment to corporately seduce my future boss who will hopefully think I’m awesome, beautiful and amazing and give me the position I want, a 401K, health and dental, unlimited vacation and telecommuting time as well as a fucking english bulldog puppy named Winnie.

One can dream right? Hopefully I’ll have some good news by the end of next week! Fingers crossed!

xo Angel

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