As I sit here in my Monday night face mask looking cute (see below), I thought I would write a quick post about what is going through my mind lately. As this dries. I have 20 min – GO.
To preface this post, I guess I should give a brief overview of my dating history. It basically went like this:
22-23: Help I’m single, help tinder sucks, help unrequited love
Now that we have the basics of that down, I’d also like to point out that this isn’t the type of post where I have a point to make at the end – it’s more just to document my general confusion with a certain aspect of life in the hopes that one day I can look back and understand what was going on. Or perhaps someone else is equally confused.
I’ve been feeling lately like I can’t fall in love…or even in “like.”
This is a bold statement to make, but it’s getting to the point that I’m concerned there’s something wrong with me. When I broke up with my ex of five years, I knew of course that it would take time to feel ready to meet new people. Eventually, after a few months, I felt like I was ready to give it the good old college try and put myself out there.
I’ll go on dates with guys…nice guys that I should think are perfect…but I just can’t seem to catch feelings. I usually end up getting so hyper-focused on the fact that (in my mind) I’m incapable of love, that I end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. There’s nothing objectively wrong with the guys I’ve dated, I just get so much anxiety from the pressure to like them that I end up catapulting my feelings in the opposite direction.
I want to change this, because it feels like I’m a-emotional (is that a thing?) and I want to be in love again – when the time is right. I can’t tell if this is a sign that I’m not ready for a relationship and that the guys I’m meeting aren’t as “perfect” as I think they are – or if I’ve actually just lost my ability to feel chemistry with another person.
Time will tell.